April showers bring May flowers, or so the saying goes. I have never wanted to believe in something so much. The storm cloud has been hovering over my head for most of the month and I think it is time that the winds push it on through so the sun can rise again.
Depression is complicated. I don’t know how many of you have suffered from this debilitating mood disorder, but chances are you have either experienced depression yourself or know someone who has. It amazes me that no matter how intelligent, resilient, or strong-minded you are, depression can sink it’s pterodactyl-sized claws deep within your soul and rip the life right out of you. It is true that depression distorts your perception of reality because in that moment when I come eye to eye with the beast, I know it’s too late. Instead of fighting back, I succumb–Let the gnawing begin!
Typically, I try to take preventative measures to ensure that the beast doesn’t rear it’s ugly head very often! For example, diet and exercise play a large role in keeping me on track. However, it’s interesting how those are usually the first to go flying out of the window during a bout of depression. Those fickle friends of mine, I’m telling you! I also have learned to stay away from certain triggers that can turn a cozy, well-contained fire into a raging blaze of destruction. In a perfect world, I would be independently wealthy and get to spend my days gallivanting all over the world living the nomadic life via bicycle. Until then, I shall keep the fire hose handy and practice living in the moment, warding off the negative energy that tries to seep through the cracks of my daily routine.
Beast–OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!
Having said that, as you can imagine I did NOT do much over the course of the month. And, when I did pull my head out of the sand, and force myself outside of these 4 walls, I wasn’t in the mood to be creative. I am sad to report, I have very few photos to share this time around. The good news is that the last part of this month has been much better and I’m feeling more like myself again. I even tackled my first mountain bike trail out in the foothills, what fun! It was likely the easiest one out there, but I’m going to chalk it up to a success! I feel my adventurous spirit brewing, so stay tuned because I think May is going to be a-MAY-zing. 🙂
I leave you with a quote that helps me keep my sights on reality.
“Owning your story is the bravest thing you will ever do” -Brene Brown
Reading that short but effective statement motivates me to live deliberately–To not give up, to keep failing, to pick myself up, and to rise above each and every obstacle because there will be many. I feel empowered. We all have the power to make our story be exactly what we want it to be. The chapters can sometimes be long and monotonous, but it is in that time that the growth happens! Right now, the climax of my story continues to build and you will have to stay tuned to see what I choose to write next! The path is a blank canvas and the pages are waiting to be filled!
Until next time….